Relationship Advice - Second Chances

By Kelly Jones

Sometimes it takes losing each other in a breakup to realize just how much the relationship really meant to you both. But how do you know if it's worth trying to recapture that passion or if it's better to cut your losses and move forward flying solo? How to rekindle that romance without making the same mistakes a second time? What's the best way to deliver the news of a relationship rebirth with skeptical family and friends?

Me First! Me First!
Being ready for round two of a relationship has everything to do with being pleased as punch with yourself -- as an individual. Hooking up with someone shouldn't feel like the solution to a problem or as if they're filling a glaring gap. Nor should it be based on the fear that you'll never find romance again. Entering a partnership means having something to contribute -- physically and emotionally. The cliché is true: loving yourself will bring you love in life.

Know Something Backwards
What were the first few weeks of dating like the first time around? Did you get along like a house on fire or did it sometimes feel like an effort to keep things spicy? Before making yourself vulnerable to the emotional drama of an on-again-off-again relationship, take stock of both the good and the cruddy aspects of your past interactions. Can you accept his quirky driving style and out-of-tune singing as adorable, or -- be truly honest here -- do you know they'll make you mad within moments? Can you accept her squealing friends, or will you end up making excuses not to go out with them? Are your short- and long-term goals more or less compatible than before?

It Takes Two to Make Things All Right
Ch-ch-changes in the ways you and your flame interact are almost always needed when getting back together to try for love a second time. And this desire to get things right must be heartfelt by both. If only one person is viewed as being "at fault" for the fall-out and therefore is responsible for making things merry again, the relationship is bound to bust. Again. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot fix a rickety relationship all by your lonesome.

Making Passionate Peace
Who doesn't love all the bestial benefits of getting back together? That first warm embrace that so easily morphs to the horizontal hustle? Make this second First Time special. Although it may be cumbersome to control the urges, don't rush into old horny habits; instead, try something new or perform their favorite foreplay in an ultra-teasing way. Although it's not idyllic, sometimes sexual reconciliation happens before the emotional recommitment -- ah yes, the infamous breakup sex. Don't let the reward of recent orgasm taint your raw emotions when deciding whether to give your guy or girl a second chance.

Good as New
Acknowledging intimate issues and staying on top of past problems will prevent repeat rounds of heartache. If your lover considered your financial spending over-the-top, discuss your purchases before you hand over the plastic so they feel involved; or, if your partner was working too much, have them plan ahead for date nights. Both parties will be hypersensitive to the disputes endured the first time, so these issues in particular must be dealt with at once during your second venture. What's more, try to avoid letting feisty feelings fester, and encourage your partner to share their concerns with you every step of the way. Consider couple's therapy to help you learn the best way to communicate and disagree with each other.

Ex Marks the Spot
Sometimes it feels awkward to announce that you're back together with a previous lover -- especially if you spent weeks bad-mouthing their behaviors and (even worse) if people agreed with you. But true friends will respect your decision and, if the relationship is meant to be, they'll foresee your future happiness and rejoice in your decision. If you're sure you and your flame both have the gumption to work through past problems with new moxie and that you'll be two times lucky with love, then getting back together isn't just an option worth daydreaming about, it's a choice you'd be nutty to neglect.